As someone with two autistic kids who still believes in travel, having things like safe foods (Like your kid only eating pepperoni pizza in Mexico) Or bringing every stuffy they own, Or taking fewer trips that are much longer so that you can transition less, Or having family for help, or maybe not going with extended family because that's too many people.... Learning what's right can be difficult but it is worthwhile. What I dislike so much about the Hannah post comment is that it's actually really unfair. First, we aren't owed perfect behavior or some big thank you for a trip. Our kids have no expectations because they have no experience. Everything is new and that can actually be more scary than exhilarating for many children. Also, to say that we do all these things and "our kids are angry" is because most of the time it's overwhelming and it just comes out as anger. And that's okay. We have to understand our kids, prepare them in advance, and expect to parent as if we are at a perpetual birthday party (think sensory overload and exec fxn out the window) and we can make it all go easier for everyone. OUR expectations matter. You also get better at it as your children get older, not because they get easier, but because you know them better. Many Big things like vacations or birthdays or weddings are actually not that fun when you're in it. Even for a bunch of adults. But 5 years later all you remember is that you were together experiencing something new.
YES. So many good points in here, Mara. Being in a new place makes me super disregulated too and I'm a damn adult, so of course our kids are going to be uncomfortable and confused/overwhelmed throughout the journey. I was thinking of all the sensory challenges as well...it was 90 degrees every day, the sun was super strong, Abigail didn't like the smell of the ocean...it was a LOT to manage. You're right about adjusting the levers to work better for your family...I do wonder if it would have been easier without the pressure of external family members or even just telling them in advance, like, look dinners are not doable. If we want a family meal, it should be breakfast or lunch. Learned a LOT on this trip about our specific family's needs/abilities.
As someone with two autistic kids who still believes in travel, having things like safe foods (Like your kid only eating pepperoni pizza in Mexico) Or bringing every stuffy they own, Or taking fewer trips that are much longer so that you can transition less, Or having family for help, or maybe not going with extended family because that's too many people.... Learning what's right can be difficult but it is worthwhile. What I dislike so much about the Hannah post comment is that it's actually really unfair. First, we aren't owed perfect behavior or some big thank you for a trip. Our kids have no expectations because they have no experience. Everything is new and that can actually be more scary than exhilarating for many children. Also, to say that we do all these things and "our kids are angry" is because most of the time it's overwhelming and it just comes out as anger. And that's okay. We have to understand our kids, prepare them in advance, and expect to parent as if we are at a perpetual birthday party (think sensory overload and exec fxn out the window) and we can make it all go easier for everyone. OUR expectations matter. You also get better at it as your children get older, not because they get easier, but because you know them better. Many Big things like vacations or birthdays or weddings are actually not that fun when you're in it. Even for a bunch of adults. But 5 years later all you remember is that you were together experiencing something new.
YES. So many good points in here, Mara. Being in a new place makes me super disregulated too and I'm a damn adult, so of course our kids are going to be uncomfortable and confused/overwhelmed throughout the journey. I was thinking of all the sensory challenges as well...it was 90 degrees every day, the sun was super strong, Abigail didn't like the smell of the ocean...it was a LOT to manage. You're right about adjusting the levers to work better for your family...I do wonder if it would have been easier without the pressure of external family members or even just telling them in advance, like, look dinners are not doable. If we want a family meal, it should be breakfast or lunch. Learned a LOT on this trip about our specific family's needs/abilities.