The fall getaway that got away

Because apparently I can’t even relax right

How many years do you have to do something before it becomes a yearly tradition?
For me, it’s two. Do something twice and suddenly it’s a “BUT WE DO IT EVERY YEAR!” situation.

I simply love a tradition. I know some people crave novelty, but I crave ritual. Accurate weather reports. A nightly skincare routine. Perusing a menu before setting foot in a restaurant.

And for the same reasons, my brain often gets stuck trying to recreate joyful experiences. I’m never content with just one amazing trip or outing. If it goes well, I immediately pitch it again the next year: “Remember that restaurant/apple orchard/hotel we loved? Let’s do it again!” I think that’s probably common for people like me who deal with anxiety; I can relax more when I already know what to expect.

So, by my own (admittedly loose) definition of “tradition,” I just returned from my traditional fall creative retreat to Bayfield, Wisconsin. It was dreamy and quiet and lovely and yet… honestly? Not quite enough.

Whoever named it Lake Superior really nailed it.

The First Year: Perfection

When I dreamed up the idea for a fall solo trip last year, my intention was to create a short, drivable “creative retreat” that combined quiet, nature, and time to write. Just for me. No Brad, no kids, no friends. No one else to monitor, manage, or disappoint.

I needed time and space to only worry about my own needs…which, as it turns out, are loud, conflicting, and change every 87 seconds.

I forget how I first heard about Wild Rice Retreat, but after taking a yoga class with the founder, Heidi Zimmer, and experiencing her quiet intentionality firsthand (plus getting a 15% off discount code), I booked the trip.

My favorite moment from my October 2024 trip to Bayfield, Wisconsin.

And it was perfect. I romanticized every single moment. I hit peak fall colors. Slept with the windows open. Made French press coffee every morning while I wrote. Hiked down to Lake Superior for a bespoke latte with whole milk before stopping by a bespoke bookstore. The whole damn thing was bespoke as fuckkkkk.

I felt like a smug, bougie Henry David Thoreau.

And it was easy! The trip hardly even required pants. I mostly lounged and wrote. No makeup, no accessories. Not too remote; there was a pharmacy nearby and strong WiFi.

My only critique: it was too short. After four hours of driving each way, three nights wasn’t enough to fully soak it all in.

The Second Year: Expectations

So this fall, I booked the SAME trip. Same place. Same sized cottage. Same time of year. Same expectations.

And you know what?

It was fine????

Of course, I enjoyed four nights away from my loud-ass family (we’re night-training Pippa right now, which means waking her twice a night to pee so she doesn’t wet the bed, and it is a hellish, unsustainable experience I can’t wait to laugh about in my toast at her wedding one day).

Staying in a faux-woodsy condo with a Fir Balsam candle and cold Sauvignon Blanc was vibey as hell. I had time to write and watercolor and hike and drive out to a little beach. Brad was supportive. My best friend, Ashley, even made me a special playlist for the week.

But ya’ll, I struggled. The Big Feelings were coming in hot and they were a potent mix of:

• Guilt (for leaving my family): I don’t deserve this. Brad is doing so much!

• Guilt (for not feeling guilty enough): Ok I actually don’t feel that bad. Is THAT bad?

• Joy: Holy shit, FREEDOM!

• Gratitude: Gosh, I am one lucky bitch. Who even gets to do this?

• Fear: What if I get lonely? What if I don’t write enough? What if I don’t maximize this time? What if I never get a trip like this again?

• Doing It Wrong: What if it’s not ‘worth it?’

And then came the comparisons:

The weather was better last year. I spent more time outside, too. The food was better. I felt less lonely. Am I writing enough? Too much? Should I be outside more? Sleeping more?

Turns out, that expression “wherever you go, there you are” is painfully true.

And also, turns out I’m fucking insufferable.

This year’s trip was equal parts bougie Walden and tacky RHOSLC and junk food.

The Nostalgia Trap

The most ironic part? Now that I’ve been back for a few days, I’m already nostalgic for this year’s trip. I’ve mentally edited out the lulls and disappointments and started replaying my highlight reel.

My mom used to say the best part of spending money on travel is that you get to enjoy it three times:

1. The Planning Phase: You get to imagine yourself on the trip. The anticipation is delicious. The planning and fantasizing is a joy in and of itself. Maybe you buy a new outfit or an overpriced miniature hairspray, and as the travel date on the calendar approaches, the excitement feels like such a rush.

2. The On-the-Trip Phase: Yay! You’re on your trip! You’re hopefully relaxing and exploring and resting and laughing and doing some fun things for yourself! Live it up! Take photos! Wear comfortable shoes!

3. The Reminiscing/Nostalgia Phase: Aww, wasn’t that so fun when we went on that trip? Traveling is fantastic because the memories and mementos from the experience stay with you. Talking about your trip and looking through old photos is almosttttt like going there again. I think that’s why both my mom and myself love(d) scrapbooking and documenting our travels so much.

Brains are wild, huh?

Anyway, Bayfield…

I almost forgot; this was supposed to be a “36 Hours in Bayfield, Wisconsin”-type post. That now feels… ambitious.

So instead, here are some of my favorite spots (especially in the fall):

• Wild Rice Retreat: Located on Lake Superior, Wild Rice Retreat offers stays for people looking to create their own getaway and also guided retreats for those seeking more instructor-led retreats. It’s perfect.

• The Brownstone Trail: It’s kind of unreal but the most magical trail runs from Wild Rice Retreat right down to Bayfield and is only about 1.5 miles away. Perfection.

• Wonderstate Coffee: Best vanilla latte of my whole life??? Fantastic baked goods, too. Love this place. Went every day I was there.

• Honest Dog Books: This family-run bookstore is too stinking cute.

• Stone’s Throw: A very cute gift shop with a variety of handmade crafts and unexpected items.

• The Fruit Loop: Bayfield has a variety of berry and apple farms and orchards and their annual Apple Festival is beloved statewide.

• Meyer’s Beach: Took a little windy walk on this beach and enjoyed the outdoors. Would probably be much nicer in the summer? But it was still beautiful.

I highly recommend checking out Bayfield and the Apostle Islands. It’s quaint and stunning and full of creative energy.

I fully intend on going back again next year. Or not? Maybe I should try NOT to make it a tradition…