How to be an ally to your Jewish friends during the High Holidays

What can you do to help your Jewish friends, coworkers + neighbors feel seen and supported during the High Holidays? I’m glad you asked...

The High Holidays are my favorite time of year.

The combination of joy from starting a new year, feeling connected to the Jewish community via rituals, food and services, along with the crisp fall weather make for a really meaningful couple of weeks for me every fall.

(And honestly, the reemergence of the pumpkin spice latte doesn’t hurt either).

Rosh Hashanah hosting inspo from Rebekah Lowin

But while myself and other practicing Jews may understand and appreciate the meaning and holiness of this time of year, I know there’s a lot of confusion and mystery around the holidays for others.

So if you’re curious to learn more about the High Holidays and what you can do to support and love on your Jewish friends, read on!

How to be an ally during the High Holidays 🍎 🐝

1) Have a basic understanding of the High Holidays

The High Holidays mark a period known both as the “Days of Awe,” during which Jewish people reflect on their behavior during the past year, apologize to those they’ve hurt and commit to doing better in the upcoming year.

The High Holidays are mainly comprised of two holidays:

1. Rosh Hashanah (meaning “Head of the Year”) is the Jewish New Year. The holiday combines the joy of a New Year celebration and its theme of renewal with the seriousness associated with confronting one’s shortcomings and seeking forgiveness.

2. Yom Kippur comes ten days after Rosh Hashanah and is also known as the “Day of Atonement.” It’s considered the holiest and most sacred day of the Jewish calendar. Many Jews choose to fast during the day.

2) Have a basic understanding of why the High Holidays are important

Judaism places a high value on living an ethical life, while also understanding that humans are flawed and imperfect. That’s why the emphasis on atonement, forgiveness and beginning the new year with a clean slate is particularly meaningful for many Jews. From attending synagogue to having special family dinners to listening to the shofar to fasting, many find the High Holidays to be a spiritually uplifting time.

3) Don’t plan events on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur

I know it’s “weird” and “confusing” that the secular dates for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur change every year (thanks, Lunar Calendar madness!), but please try to know when they are anyway.

Swiped this from the Kveller IG account

The easiest way to do this is to add a calendar to your Google or Outlook account.

My biggest pet peeve since entering the workforce has been professional organizations planning conferences, networking events and other activities during the High Holidays. At this point it’s just willful ignorance, honestly.

Which also reminds me: Jewish holidays start at sundown. This means that oftentimes they start the evening before the calendar date (Google does a pretty good job of explaining when Jewish holidays officially start).

4) Understand that all Jews are different and observe the holidays differently

There’s no right or wrong way for Jews to practice their religion. Some may attend services at their Temple. Others might fast on Yom Kippur. And still others might take a reflective walk or participate in Tashlich. There’s no right or wrong way to honor the holidays, so don’t assume you know what your friends or coworkers plan to do. Ask them how they personally choose to practice instead (and don’t judge their answer - “I thought you were supposed to be fasting today, Nancy!”)

5) Send a text or email to your Jewish friends

Send your Jewish friend a text on Rosh Hashanah telling them Happy New Year! (Feel free to add some honey and apple emojis!)

(L’Shanah Tovah or Shana Tova means Happy New Year!)

And/or send a more thoughtful text on Yom Kippur wishing them a meaningful holiday and easy fast (this one is more serious/somber in tone, so prob tread lightly with the emojis and/or exclamation points).

6) Extra credit: Know some details about how the holidays are celebrated

• The shofar is a ram’s horn and is blown on both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

• Apples and honey are eaten on Rosh Hashanah to represent a “sweet new year!”

• Challah during the high holidays is baked in the shape of a circle instead of a long braid like for most Shabbats. The circle has various symbolic reasons, including the circular or cyclical nature of a year.

  

• Many Reform Jews *only* attend services during the High Holidays. To accommodate all the worshippers, many congregations have multiple services in various parts of their synagogues and may even livestream the whole event. It’s commonly known that many synagogues require attendees to have tickets and it can be notoriously hard to “get a ticket.” Please refer to Season 5, Episode 1 of Curb Your Enthusiasm for more hilarious detail.

• The 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are known as the “Ten Days of Teshuvah” (sometimes translated as the “Ten Days of Repentance”). Many believe that God is watching you during these 10 days especially closely and deciding whether to inscribe you in the Book of Life for the next year.

• Many Jews fast on Yom Kippur - but you are not permitted to fast if you are sick, pregnant, or under the age of 13. Many Jews “break the fast” together at sundown on Yom Kippur evening.

• Many Jews also choose not to wear leather goods, put on makeup, or brush their hair/teeth on Yom Kippur to help themselves stay focused on repenting.

That’s literally it. I’m telling you the bar is super low. Don’t overthink it - just be kind to your Jewish friends and don’t plan important events on like 3 days in September. Done.